I’ve just added the new scene from Maskurbate, and it stars a very sexy man with a great uncut cock. But, I needed to go into a rant. I’ll try and blame Trump somewhere, because ultimately everything that can be blamed on that sack of shit should be, regardless.
Be ready, I’ve been holding this in for a couple of months now and this latest new video just tipped me over the edge.
First of all, I have long been a fan of the site, just because I love seeing straight muscled men with great uncut cocks, and they have a whole lot of them there rubbing their dicks, fucking some sex toys, and occasionally being sucked too. They often have their straight guys come back to get their dick serviced by a dude, and their handjob and cock worship scenes are some of the best if you love hung and uncut straight men exploring things, and who doesn’t love seeing that?
But, over the last year or so they’ve really been fucking up their site. And I don’t just mean they’ve been doing some random things I personally don’t like.
Despite this clear example indicating otherwise, I’m not one of those guys who spins out into an indignant rage and threatens to cancel a membership when a site releases a video I don’t get off to, or when they move buttons or categories around or change the logo by a few little pixels (come on, some of you are like that. I’ve seen you lose your shit over the most pointless nonsense).
No, I mean they’ve REALLY been fucking things up on a significant level.
The whole idea of the site was that they had masked men sharing their cocks and shooting their loads, guys who wanted to maintain their anonymity just a little. As such, the descriptions for their guys and the videos would be about that. Makes sense, right?
Sure, sometimes it was ridiculous and the new guys were about as “disguised” as Clark Kent changing his hair slightly and putting on glasses, but at the same time we could all be affable Lois Lane and just act dumb. It didn’t matter that any of their friends who saw the video would obviously know in about 0.5 seconds exactly who they were watching. We could play stupid and just enjoy the theme, because the explanations about these guys were hot and horny and in-keeping with the theme of the site.
They’d tell us about the guy in the write-up for the scene, maybe relay that one time he jerked off with a buddy on a fishing trip, or the time he was sucked off by a dude in a men’s room when he was too drunk to care, maybe explain what he does for a living, even if it was predictable masculine shit that 50% of the audience didn’t really believe. After giving us some suitable hotness about the dude they’d tell us about the video and hint about what we might get to see next time. We liked the themes about the guy they met at the gym and offered money to come and wank on camera, we liked the videos where the straight men came back for a second scene, being paid extra to let another guy suck him off for the first time.
Honestly, I’m okay with them making some crap up about their latest guy coming straight from the coal mine to film a scene out of desperation, because he needs to make some money to fix his truck or buy his girl an engagement ring. Yeah, it’s been done a hundred times before on every other site featuring straight men, but at least that suits the site and we can wank through it with a slight sense of willful gullibility.
We don’t mind being lied to, as long as the lie is at least a little convincing.
That’s all changed now, and they seem hell bent on giving us pretty useless and entirely unconvincing stories to go with their videos.
For example, check out what they wrote for their new guy Morgan:
My mom presented me to her new boyfriend, soon-to-be stepdad. He’s much younger than her and full of muscles. He knew about Maskurbate and offered to show me his huge uncut cock. The man who first had sex with my mother in a waiting room’s toilet at the hospital got my full attention and respect once he dropped his pants and showed me who’s the new boss now. This was shot minutes before a family reunion, which added to the excitement! Can’t wait for my first disciplinary punishment!
Really? The site owner and director is Pascal, a guy who has to be in his early 40’s (sorry if I’m adding years on, Pascal), and we’re supposed to believe that a muscled straight jock like this, a guy potentially ten-years younger than him, is now his “stepdad”, and that he’s agreed to come and get his uncut cock out on his “stepson’s” porn site?
Come on, Pascal, this is so bad it’s not even funny.
I love a fictional story for a new guy as much as anyone else, but you at least have to be a little convincing. I don’t know what’s been concocted out of thin air for a new guy any more than any other viewer, and we can appreciate a fantasy, but it has to at least seem a little possible. You could tell us that this guy was the mailman and he interrupted a shoot one morning, then got curious about it and decided to come and try out for himself. You could have suggested that he’s an old school friend you met up with after not seeing for ten years and when he found out what you did for a living he wanted to come and show off. You could have made up some story about seeing him hard at the urinals at the local bar and offering to film him for a good chunk of cash.
Do I even need to say what a turn off it is to think about this man sticking his dick into your mother, Pascal? Regardless of her age, you’ve said he’s much younger than her, and if we guess that you’re 40, it’s fair for most readers to assume that she’s at least 60.
Mentioning they fucked in the toilets at a hospital just makes it ten-times worse. Now we’re not only imagining him sticking his dick in a dry old vag, you’ve also made us think about sickness and hospitals too.
We do not want to think about your 60-year-old mother riding this guy’s cock. Hospitals are definitely not sexy. Sickness is not horny. We don’t want to imagine your latest hot hunk fucking your mother in a hospital toilet. And why the fuck do I even need to say this?
Seriously, if this wasn’t so stupid it would almost be funny.
It’s almost like someone at the site wrote a list of all the things a horny gay man would be turned on by, then replaced all those things with the EXACT OPPOSITE.
What will the next video be about? Maybe you could tell us about the morgue porter who gets so depressed moving dead people around at work he needs to come and wank for the fans? Or perhaps there’s a guy from the Center for Disease Control you could have come in and tell us he wanted to wank one out on video before the inevitable plague he’s been trying to stop kick-starts the apocalypse?
While you’re horny, let’s think about your mortality!
Why not? What goes better with a horny video of a guy jerking off than thoughts about sickness and inevitable death? Perhaps you could top this all off by having the guy fucking a pussy, on your gay porn site? Oh, you’ve already tried that:
This isn’t the first time they’ve dropped the ball on one of their videos either. Recently they released a video where they supposedly just hooked up with a random straight guy in parking garage and asked him to model, and he agreed to do it only if he could wear a mask. So, we’re supposed to believe that he showed his face right from the start, and we know exactly what he looks like, THEN he decided he would only perform with a mask. This was so ridiculous I don’t know how it got past the editing room without brains exploding in frustration.
Less analytical fans must have been thinking the guy was dumber than a box of frogs.
What really pisses me off about this latest episode of dumbfuckery is that I know they only did it because another ten sites have all inexplicably started making fucking “stepdad” porn. It’s a mindless fad that one site comes up with, sells well for a week, so ten others all jump on the bandwagon rather than work a little and come up with something original for themselves.
It’s the homogenization of gay porn; don’t come up with something for yourself, and don’t stick to the theme you know your fans wanted and what got you to where you are, just start copying everything you imagine is working for everyone else – even though there’s a good chance the site you’re copying is just flailing about and copying others in a panicked desperation to pull in attention the way you now are.
Here’s a tip to all the other sites out there: copying what another site is doing because you imagine they know it will sell, doesn’t mean it does sell, and for us porn fans seeing it absolutely everywhere, it only makes you look cynical and lazy. If I want to see “stepdad” porn why wouldn’t I just go to one of the other ten sites doing it right now?
And, can I just say, the infestation of “stepdad porn” on the gay Internet makes me fucking cringe. I can barely deal with guys being called “daddy”, let alone seeing the arms race into gutter extremes from some of the worst sites out there who seem determined to prove to our enemies that they were in fact right and we are all “sexual predators”.
Pascal, or whoever might be responsible for this sharp turn in the content on the site, please:
I’m gonna get all genuine and meaningful here, so be ready.
I’ve loved the Maskurbate site for years, I love the men there and I love seeing these guys stroking out their loads and occasionally getting a little more daring with some of the other guys. They need to get back to what they’re good at, writing convincing character traits, giving us convincing back stories, and delivering half-convincing narratives for the great videos we know they can make.
To show that I’m genuine in making this at least a little constructive rather than just a sarcasm-spattered rant, let me offer some advice, maybe fans of the site can comment below and tell me if I’m on the right track:
- We don’t need these elaborate or unconvincing texts about the videos and the guys. They’re not believable and a lot of the time they either don’t make sense or they’re actually a turn-OFF. Stick to giving us a horny explanation about meeting the guy at the gym, or through another model, or how a guy was curious about dick for a while and decided to try porn. No, we don’t need you to make up a theme about a party we never see taking place or the gardener coming in to jerk off in the kitchen. We just want simple explanations about the straight hunks wanting to make money, needing to get off, being curious about things etc.
- Get some soft duos on video. My best-selling site as an affiliate features straight guys jerking off together, frotting, wanking each other off for the first time. You have a lot of straight models but you only seem to deliver solo wanks, then occasionally film a guy being sucked. Most of these guys would presumably be comfortable at least jerking off next to another guy, some of them would probably lend a hand. Go down this route and I guarantee it would be a hell of a lot more popular than seeing a re-branded Ennio Guardi fucking a chick. Note, it’s no coincidence that of the three Ennio videos with women, the one with another guy jerking off watching Ennio and the girl got the least dislikes. Think about why.
- Start focusing on muscle and worship. It’s an under-represented niche and you already have the popularity and scope to do it, and the models too. These guys look the way they do for a reason. They love showing off their muscles, and guys who love muscle men love seeing them showing off those muscles too. Why you don’t have more muscle worship scenes on the site is beyond me.
- Get back to your original goals and stop trying to do what other sites are doing. It might work for them, but your site is different. I can almost guarantee that you’re going down this path because you made a couple of bad choices a little while back, saw your numbers drop, and then started panicking and doing whatever you could, thinking that if you offered some of what the other sites were offering you could get them to come back. Stop, breathe, you can get back on track by getting back to what your fans originally arrived for, what got you to where you were before you started making those bad choices.
And, as another example of my good intent, here’s what I would have written for the new solo video with Morgan, and in my humble opinion it blows your description out of the water (PS, if you want an affordable writer, I’m available. Leave a comment on this with your email address and I’ll gladly get in touch):
Morgan is a 26-year-old hunk who works as a forklift driver, he has a gym-pumped body and enjoys playing Rugby with his buddies at the weekends. He has a girlfriend who has no idea he’s doing this, although he says she probably wouldn’t be surprised. He admits he jerks off at least twice a day, and even stroked to porn with a friend once when he was in college. He gets a lot of compliments from other guys and likes to go to the gay clubs with a couple of his friends now and then, he always has someone offering to blow him when they see his big dick in the men’s room. He hasn’t let a dude suck it yet, but even he admits that exploring things with another guy is never off the table.
The story of how Morgan came to us is pretty damn hot, and it shows once again why we love our members so much. He was cleaning up after a good session at the gym (he goes at least five times a week) when one of the other guys in the showers started checking him out. Morgan is straight, but he’s not narrow minded and he admits that he likes the attention his dick gets from other guys. His 8-inch cock got a little chubby and he assumes that might be why the other guy had the balls to come and chat when he saw him toweling off in the locker room. Apparently, the random unknown guy is a member of the site (thank you, whoever you are!) and said he thought he recognized Morgan from a solo video last year. Obviously he was mistaken, but it caught Morgan’s curiosity and he got on his phone to take a look at what we do. Being a proud masturbator who enjoys being on show he got a little horny thinking about performing on video and the next day he was emailing me, asking about coming to shoot for us. So, here he is, in all his gorgeous glory. Enjoy him showing off confidently and getting a satisfying load out of his impressively thick and smooth shaved cock, and if you want to see him back for more hit that thumbs-up button!
Why is this description better than the one we got? Well, aside from not making us think about Pascal’s mom’s pussy, or Morgan sticking his dick in it in a hospital toilet, or falling into the cliche “stepdad” nonsense everyone else is doing, it does several things…
- It gives the members and fans a little nod, which is never a bad thing.
- It describes him in a masculine way, doing masculine things, and given it’s a muscle site, this should be a no-brainer.
- It gives us the horny setting of a gym, which never fails to interest gay men like me.
- It asserts his sexuality, but suggests he’s open-minded.
- It offers the potential for more to come, making members want to stick around.
- It encourages members to actually engage and “like” the video.
- It gives affiliates something they can work with in promoting the site, rather than something affiliates will either not want to talk about on their own blogs, or something they’re going to criticize.
When it comes to the style of content, there are so many themes Maskurbate could go with without changing a whole lot. They could start a series just of guys found at the gym and offered cash to show off on camera, a series about cumshot contests where the men compete to shoot the most or the furthest, edging sessions where the guys try to last as long as they can against each other (btw, this is great for encouraging massive cum shots), a series where two or more guys are competing in a pose-down and the loser has to jerk or blow the winner…
Can you imagine how horny it would be if they got three or four of their big muscled straight guys together for a cum shooting contest?
Yeah, these themes have probably all been done by other sites before ten times or more, but they at least work with the style of the site and the guys they have, and it would be far easier to shoot and write for than some of the rubbish they’ve been producing.
A lot of gay porn seems to be the same. We’ve always had a problem with sites basically duplicating content over and over again, just swapping out the models. But, defying this clone-like style is why niche sites ultimately last. Doing something unique and different is a good thing, merging into an amorphous landscape of samey porn just because you think it will sell well for you like it does for a 20-year-old studio with a history of doing exactly that is not a wise business move.
Okay guys, that’s my rant about Maskurbate over with, for the time being at least. Let me know in the comments if you agree, disagree, hate me with a passion or want to suck me off in appreciation. Whatever.